the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
