He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
