Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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