I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
