She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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