And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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