see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
