So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
