So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
