I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
