It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He shit in the fireplace
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
