Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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