You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
