i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
