lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
