AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
