Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
