I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
