white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
