lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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