I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
