I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize