I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
