i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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