my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
