Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
