I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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