Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
