Ambien. No doubt about it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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