SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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