When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
