His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
