no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
