Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
