he puts the penis in happiness.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
