google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
