so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
