I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have already put on my inside pants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
