i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
