: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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