You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
