you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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