I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
