I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
