I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
