I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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