You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
