I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
