There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
