If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
