I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
