He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
